Chapter 3: Sadness, Love, and ・・・・. -Part 1-.Posted date：2023-03-02
Category：The Sacred Biography of Heian Buddhism: Amitabha Sage (Hijiri) Kuya, ed.
The first chapter: THE PAHNTOM PAIN
Father, ouch, ouch, help me, father.
Sara, wait. I’ll help you right now.
Father, ouch. My blood doesn’t stop flowing.
Shit, shit! Please someone, someone! Someone!
No, Sara, don’t fall in sleep! Your father surely, Sara!
When I noticed, I knew I was up in the dark, with my right arm outstretched and gripping the sky. My breathing has become extremely labored. Cold sweat broke out all over my body and my eyes widened in despair.
Again, that dream.
My breathing is hard. Cold sweat is breaking out all over my body and he breathes on his shoulders and stares into the darkness.
My chest is sore. It is helplessly painful. My heart palpitations are getting more and more intense along with my breathing, which has become rougher and rougher. I try to do something about it and attempt to stop it by holding my chest, but I can’t help myself. The sadness that is etched in my heart and the pain that it brings upon me strike at the same time, and the pain spreads from the organs of my heart throughout my body. I think I have experienced this kind of pain many times. How many times do I have to suffer from this pain until I am at ease. No, probably the time won’t come. This pain will eternally stick to me like curse, and will agonize me till the end of my life.
No matter how much and many times I endured it, I can’t get used to this pain. It will come to me many times to kill me.
While enduring severe pain, I was calling names of the two in the darkness. The names of the two who will never come back again.
I was repenting. I was just repenting. The two was because of me, all is because of me…
I looked at my arm. I can recognize it even in the dark. The trembling arm is not stopping. By fear, sorrow, and pain. Although I try to stop it by holding the trembling arm with another arm, it seems not to cease.
Shit, shit, stop, please be stopped.
It was when I was thinking and shouting so.
Suddenly, I noticed the feeling of a hand touching my back. And the hand began to slowly and gently rub my back.
“Well, you are all right. Calm down, calm down, you are all right.”
It was that woman’s voice. That beautiful woman who with little child girl, looked after me who had been hurt. Although I cannot see her because it is dark, that gentle and warm voice must belong to that woman.
“Calm down, please breathe the air.”
The woman rubs my back slowly from the bottom to the top. At the same time, I breathed the air as the woman tells.
Next, she rubs my back slowly from the top to the bottom. I breathe out the air as she tells me again.
“Breathe and breathe out.”
I repeated it several times. Then, gradually, my rough breathing calmed down and my trembling subsided.
“How are you?” the woman asked.
“Oh, it seems to have subsided a lot, thank you” I said in the darkness.
“Come on, let’s get some air.”
I was still not completely healed from my injuries at this time. But it had been a few days today since arrived here (actually, I still don’t know what kind of place this is, I think it is an accommodation facility as there were several other sick and destitute people there), and thanks to the care of the child and this woman during that time, I had managed to walk on my own.
I was supported by the woman and went outside in the darkness of the night. Outside, the night breeze breathes a little more gently on me. The breeze was strangely pleasant.
To be continued to second part.
Hello everyone. I am Jubei, an earthling whose energy does not stop today. What I like is playing (manga, movies, music (J-Rock, etc.) and visiting cafes). Thank you for your understanding.