Chapter 2: Awakening from the Darkness – Is There No Tomorrow for Us? – Part 2Posted date：2023-02-02
Category：The Sacred Biography of Heian Buddhism: Amitabha Sage (Hijiri) Kuya, ed.
The latter chapter: There is no tomorrow for us?
“Sister, he awoke.”
I heard a girl speaking. I noticed that the white light that had enveloped me earlier was gone. Instead, what I see now is a wooden ceiling. And apparently, I was lying on a mat laid on the wooden floor.
After a while, a small child girl came in front of me with a woman wearing a white robe with a light purple pattern on it. They are two very beautiful. A small child girl with her hair tied back in a bun. Her skin is glowing white with a slight blush on her cheeks. I think her age is about eight. On the other hand, the woman wearing a white robe with a light purple pattern was even more beautiful, with an air of elegance about her. Above all, her eyes were filled with a very compassionate light.
“Oh, you’ve noticed.”
The woman has a very gentle voice. It was such a warm, gentle voice, as if it could melt a frozen heart with the light of mercy.
“Where am I? What’s happened on me?”
I tried to move my body somehow and lifted my upper body by myself. However, it still doesn’t seem to be working as it should. Then the woman put her hands around my waist and helped me to raise myself up.
“No. You must not push yourself yet.”
The woman supported me and told me, as I was having a hard time understanding what was happening.
“You were lying in the street mortally wounded.”
I remembered it. That I had fallen down alive in the darkness. And that somehow, when I tried to move my body, I couldn’t move it at all because of the pain. And that I had cursed my own fate in the darkness and had cursed the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas who abandoned us lowly people and would not save us.
Oh, the more I remember, the more the worst feeling keeps coming back. I feel nauseous and my chest is strangled. I was in sincere despair of this world, of my very life that I was living here and now. All at once, these thoughts were coming back to me now.
“It was a terrible wound. If Rensei-sama hadn’t found you and brought you here, you would have by now.”
What? You brought me here?
My heart, dyed in the colors of despair, had already forgotten the warmth of the woman I had felt earlier. My heart was now dominated by a black despair living in me.
“But thank God. You woke up safe and sound.”
“This must be thanks to Amitabha Buddha for saving you.”
What…? Amitabha Buddha…?
“Namu Amida Butu, Amida Butu.”
Stop, please stop…
“Namu Amida Butu, Amida Butu.”
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
The next thing I knew, I was yelling at the top of my lungs. There were a few people around who were resting on their mats or eating the little food they had, but the loud voice made all eyes turn to me. And I, too, was throwing a sharp, grudge-filled look at the woman.
I opened my mouth to look at the woman without averting my vindictive gaze.
“Why did you save me?” “Why didn’t you let me die like that?”
The woman says nothing, silently staring at me.
“I…, I… “
I couldn’t resist looking away from the woman and turning my gaze toward nothing.
“I wanted to die.” “I wanted to disappear!”
I looked away, hoping not to be seen doing so, but it was not to be. I can’t stop my body from trembling. The tears of sorrow that flow out naturally cannot be stopped.
Why? What is the purpose of my life? Why do I have to live in order only to endure pain?
Why? Why still won’t you let me die? Why do I have to still live?
There is no tomorrow for those of us who have no chance at salvation. There is nothing left for me…
I was shaking and crying, and the woman was staring at me without saying a word. Then, eventually, she sadly lowered her eyes and she slowly laid me down on the mat.
“Please take good care of your body, and yourself, too.”
The woman said so and left the place.
The child girl who was with the woman is not going anywhere, but staring at me lying on the mat, sitting upright. With both sorrow and warmth of will in her eyes.
“It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay, so.”
The child woman said so and gently patted my head as I lay there.
“So, please not give up.”
The child woman said so, stood up and left the place.
The second movement (complete)
Hello everyone. I am Jubei, an earthling whose energy does not stop today. What I like is playing (manga, movies, music (J-Rock, etc.) and visiting cafes). Thank you for your understanding.