The latter part: whereabouts of the soul

Sorry … sorry.

All right, it’s okay, it’s okay … it’s okay, it’s okay.

Healing Amitabha

Perhaps refreshed by crying as much as she could, Oyu regained her composure and once again told me what had happened to her.

I had lost my father and mother, whom I trusted with all my heart, and I was sinking into a deep sadness. My nanny, who was still alive at the time, felt truly sorry for me. In an effort to heal my torn heart, she arranged for a certain Bouzenzenji to come to me as a son-in-low.

That person was very gentle.

He knew what happened to me and sincerely cared for me. He always warmly embraced my deeply wounded heart and took really, really good care of it. I was also attracted by his warm personality, and before long we had become friends who truly adored each other.

But …

That didn’t last long. The impermanent reality has again torn our bond apart. One day his father became the guardian (kokuji) of a distant country, and he also had to go down with his father. My son-in-law and I had made a firm promise to each other at the end of our separation that we would have a future together.

Image of hand to hand contact

I will return to you some day for sure. Then, let’s live together again.
So, please wait. I will return to you again for sure. For sure.


I waited believing his that word. I kept waiting his returning to me. However, with the promise in vain, for the next five years, there was no word of him at all. In the meantime, my house, which had been reasonably respectable, gradually fell into disrepair, and my nanny fell ill and died in the midst of this rough life.

Finally, I was left alone in this world.

My father and mother, whom I adored, passed away far away without me as a young child. My husband, who went down to the countryside, will probably never come back. And my nanny, the only person who had supported me in the rough life, died.

No more … I don’t care about anything anymore.

A helpless, irredeemable despair and loneliness overtook me. I, who had no choice but to sink into solitude alone in a dilapidated house in the darkness, finally gave up everything.
I then abandoned my battered home and continued to wander aimlessly around the capital.

The days when I wandered the streets, battered and without a place to go in a city ruled by emptiness and despair. In the process, I arrived at the Rajomon Gate, the main entrance to the capital.

The huge gate is said to be the place where the capital meets the other world, and it is also said to be the place where demons and monsters have met since ancient times. So, no one dared to approach this place, especially at night.

Rajomon in the Dark Night

My life will soon be gone as dew.
Perhaps it would be good to give my life to the demons here.

I thought so under that Rajomon Gate, which is rumored to be haunted by demons.
And from that day on, my life at Rajomon began.

Continue to “the second movement: Before she crumbles – a lullaby to wrap her sorrows – ”



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京都三条会商店街北 薬膳&カフェ 雅(みやび) サイト制作・運営 一般社団法人シシン