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The middle part: DAWN OF DREAMS

Father… Mother…

In me, Oyu, visions of my father and mother float in and out of my mind, and then disappear as if they were collapsing. I have always lived, seeking the two who are nowhere now.

And each time, a nightmare awakens me.

Yes, that was … that was too sudden and too inexcusable.

That year, that nightmarish year, an epidemic raged in the capital and many people fell victim to it. My father and mother were struck by that epidemic as well. They were both very sick and needed treatment as soon as possible. But being poor, they couldn’t be treated satisfactorily. Even so, my nanny and I did our best to take care of them, trying to somehow help them as they suffered from their illness.

Father… mother… wait. I’ll save you without fail.
So… so…

Please do not go die.

But, in vain, the two, my father and mother …

When she said that much, Oyu cannot stand it any longer and holds her mouth with her hand, her body trembling and depressed, and she begins to sob.

I … I …

Couldn’t do nothing.

I couldn’t save the two.

Father, mother …

I, Oyu, was screaming that name over and over again in my mind as I looked down.

Please open your eyes, please.

Oh, it’s coming again. I have that day in me again …

No, no, don’t leave me alone. Don’t leave me.

Please help me. Someone, please help me.

Don’t leave me alone. Please.

I can’t stop, the trembling of my body, the tears, and the pain … I can’t stop them.

The memory of that day has become an evil spirit and is beginning to rule in me. Again, the evil spirit has taken over me …

Why? Why?

I keep asking myself questions that never end in suffering.

Why must I endure such pains?
What did I do? I did nothing bad and why do I have to be treated so?

I was just wanted to be with my father and mother.

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I can’t stop my trembling. The pains won’t disappear. The sorrow won’t disappear.

darkness

The interminable darkness is enveloping me again.

Help. Someone … help.

“Alright … Alright …”

What?

“It’s okay.”

I can hear voice?

“It’s okay.”

Who are you?

Someone is calling out to me in the darkness. To me.

Who are you?

“Come on, calm down. It’s okay, it’s okay.”

I found myself returning from the nightmare world of that day. I can see Kuya’s face right next to me. That person is rubbing my back gently and slowly. With his soft and calm look on his face, me …

“It’s okay, it’s okay.”

I, Kuya, speak gently to her. I gently and slowly rub Oyu’s back, which is still shaking, and give her a strong, gentle hug for her wounded heart.

Rainbow-colored light

“It’s okay.”

All your pain and sadness are not your fault.
You are nothing wrong, nothing wrong.
So, it’s okay … it’s okay …

“Sorry … sorry …!”

As soon as Oyu said so, suddenly she was clutching at my chest. Then, a moment after I thought her whole body was in a state of shock, she cried aloud and loudly. With her body shaken and her tears streaming down throughout her body.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry!!”

I, Oyu, cried. I kept crying in the chest of Kuya. Apologizing again and again. I just kept on screaming. I couldn’t endure it. I was frustrated with my inability, my helplessness not to have been able to save the one I loved, the one who was dear to me. I couldn’t like such myself.

Sorry for not saving you. Sorry for not protecting you.

With such Oyu in front of me, I Kuya, embrace her gently. Gently embrace her heart and take in all she has to offer.

All right, all right, all right.

I take it all in, rubbing her back, stroking her head.

You are nothing bad, nothing bad.
It’s was hard, painful and sad for you.
But, it’s okay. It’s okay. So do not blame yourself any more.

Healing Amitabha

You’re nothing bad.

Continue to “the latter past: whereabouts of the soul”

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