1st movement -The Forgiven One – Part 1

Part 1: The heart that lights the way to tomorrow.

“It is a fine weather today too, isn’t it?”

I, Tatumi, spent the day sitting on a wooden couch set up outside the Korokan under a sun-drenched blue sky. Kuya-sama is sitting next to me together, and Kotaro, a large white dog, is sleeping comfortably on the ground. This dog was much larger than an ordinary dog, and Kuya-sama said that it might have been a demon god protecting people in the form of a dog.

The dog is usually friendly with a twinkle in their pretty black eyes, but it changes when danger is imminent and protect people. Having said that, I haven’t seen it yet.

“When looking at the blue sky, I seem to forget everything, even the hard feelings,” Kuya-sama looks at me smiling.
“How are you feeling afterwards?”
“Yes, I’m much better now, thanks to you. But…”
I held my breasts with my left hand.
“The chest wounds are far from over.”
Yesterday, again, it was difficult for me to get to sleep. Because the wounds in my chest were so painful from the pain and sorrow of mourning for my dear family that they did not subside.
“You don’t have to rush. Just walk slowly, even if you have to stop sometimes. The day will come when you will be able to manage.”
“I wonder it will come?”
“Yes, it’ll come.”
Kuya-sama put his hand on my shoulder.
“It’ll definitely come.”

Will the time come when even such I am saved?
Will the time come when I am forgiven?

Whenever I ask such, Kuya always answers gently and strongly.

“All right, all right. It’ll definitely come. So, it’s all right,” he said.

Kuya-sama has listened to me here before. Ever since I had witnessed his Buddhist activities in the Higashi market, I had begun to feel a strange attraction to this man. When I was closed-minded, I couldn’t bear to be alive, so when Kuya-sama came to Korokan, I was the only one who pretended to be asleep and didn’t get involved at all. I wanted nothing to do with anyone or any world.

Even such I have a person who helps me. I have a person who shed tears together. It was really pleasant.

It was the night of the day when I saw for the first time Kuya-sama Nembutu chanting in the Higashi market. I, then told Kuya-sama here. Everything I had to say.

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Everything about me.

Kuya-sama said nothing, just nodded and listened with a ministerial nudge to encourage me to go on. He was just listening, silently, as if he was taking in everything I was saying.

Do such I have meaning or value to live?
Will my sin be forgiven?

I was asking trembling my shoulder and looking down. I could by no mean forgive myself. I, who am sinful even just for being sinful, committed an even deeper sin by killing my innocent wife and child, and yet I am still alive today. I could by no mean forgive such myself.

―Why am I alive? Why do I have to live?
Why am I still alive and not dead after so many sins?―

“I think the reason is that.”
“Huh.”
“Tatumi, you are deeply, deeply aware of your own sins. And you sincerely repent.”
Kuya-sama put his hand on my shoulder.

“To be continued to the latter part.”

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Author

じゅうべい(Jubei)
Hello everyone. I am Jubei, an earthling whose energy does not stop today. What I like is playing (manga, movies, music (J-Rock, etc.) and visiting cafes). Thank you for your understanding.